Sweet Talk with Ben’s Friends
Alcohol and drugs have been a predominant force in restaurants and hospitality for as long as I know. And we’re tired of the culture, we’re tired of seeing the pain, we’re tired of burying people”
Co Founder – Mickey Bakst
A Conversation with Mickey Bakst. (Co-Founder)
So first how was Ben’s Friends created?
Well, both Steve and myself are lifetime veterans of hospitality. We both were front of the house guys. We both spent our whole careers in restaurants. Steve has a number of restaurants now under his Restaurant Group, Indigo road. I’m retired, but we also both are sober. And through our careers, we have just seen countless people in our industry, from chefs to pastry chefs to bakers to line cooks to bartenders to servers destroy their lives because of drugs and alcohol. We both got sober many years ago, and over the course of the years, we truly just got tired of seeing our peers, people that we care about, people that love the things that we love. We got sick and tired of watching them destroy their life or die. And there were a couple of situations for each of us where somebody who really was talented, had a great career, had everything going for them, partied too hard and didn’t survive, and we just got sick and tired of it is the bottom line. Alcohol and drugs have been a predominant force in restaurants and hospitality for as long as I know. And we’re tired of the culture, we’re tired of seeing the pain, we’re tired of burying people. And we said, let’s do something.
What is the organizations main mission?
The primary mission is to help anybody in the industry, whether front of the house or back of house, anybody in the industry, whether they’re selling pastry products or selling wine or liquor or sweets or serving in a restaurants or cooking in the restaurants. Our primary mission is to help anybody struggling with the bondage of addiction in our industry find a path forward and out of it.
What are some of the biggest challenges your organization faces in supporting people in the hospitality industry?
You know, the challenge always comes from the person who needs the support. For people it’s tough to say, I’m in trouble. It’s tough to say to I’ll do whatever it takes to get well, especially when you’re that sick. So the greatest challenge is honestly, the addict themselves and the part of their body, that even though they know that they’re dying, there’s a part of their brain that says, I’m not that bad.
Can you share a specific story of how Ben’s Friends has positively impacted someone’s life?
Yeah, a woman in her late 30s, honestly on the verge of death, came to Ben’s Friends. She was afraid that she could never work at a restaurant again, and now she’s three years sober, and she’s the operating manager of a major Steakhouse in a major city. Another fellow who had drank himself so sick he had a liver transplant, never thought that he could get sober, and now he’s three years sober, working behind a bar. We have countless stories of people who have come to us literally, either on the verge of homelessness, on the verge of wanting to kill themselves, and they have found sobriety in a community in which they can relate to people and feel whole again.
Can you explain the structure of your meetings or support groups? How does the organization work exactly?
Well, the whole premise of Ben’s friends is creating the community of like minded people who not only share the trauma of addiction, but share the passion for hospitality and so we do it through community. We set up in person meetings in cities around the country, and we’re always looking for more people. And we also do zoom meetings at a daily level, held at 1pm eastern time every single day. We have meetings four nights a week. We have a men’s exclusive meeting, a woman’s exclusive meeting, a family member meeting. All of these are on Zoom. People are coming from all over the country to find a community. Covid was a great boom for us, because covid connected us to zoom and that connected us to people from all over the country. And now, I mean, we’re literally getting people from Europe, from Canada. It’s pretty cool.
How is this organization funded?
We do seek out funding to help us pay for things. We have a PR firm, a marketing group, administrative costs. We have travel costs when we go and attend seminars and have to bring leaders from around the country. We do seek out funding, but I want to make it clear, we do not charge anyone who needs help, or any restaurant that sends us people. We do events, but we also have some corporate sponsors, like Open Table, and Brown-Foreman. We have individual foundations that are sponsoring us.
What is the most rewarding part of all this for you?
Watching people go from the gates of Hell to lives that are happy, joyous and full of purpose. Watching people who look like they’re not going to make another day grow healthy and strong and capable again. Watching people who know nothing but sadness and heartbreak and pain find happiness and joy and freedom. I mean, these things are great things.
Is there any advice you would give to people looking to provide a support network similar?
I basically would say, gather some people who share a common bond and get together and start spreading the word. The more you talk about it, the more people join your mission.
